1. Corner your fears. You can’t build up emotional strength until you feel safe. Pick a positive place, not the epicenter of household arguments, and make sure your back faces a wall—this gives you the feeling of being protected, says Erik Peper, professor at the Institute for Holistic Health Studies at San Francisco State University.
  2. Keep your eyes up. Line up your view, trying to make it one of nature or of objects or photos that conjure up memories you love. Set them above eye level—research shows that it’s easier to be positive when looking upward.
  3. Breathe into it. While sitting or standing in your spot, says Peper, tighten your whole body for an instant, then relax. Take a few deep breaths into your lower abdomen and exhale softly and slowly; repeat a few times. Now think of a memory—one of a time when you felt happy, safe, and loved. Allow yourself to go back to that place and stay there for a few more deep breaths.
  4. Don’t be a dabbler. To make your sanctuary effective, try to seek it out at the same time every day, so it becomes a form of practice. “The underlying idea of having a healing space in your home is to make it a ritual,” explains Peper.
  5. Take it down the street. A church, temple, or museum in town can also serve, particularly if light shines into the space from above. Even your favorite seat at the local coffee shop can suffice. “Just ask yourself, Do I feel more centered and grounded when I leave?” says Peper. MORE: How To Heal Anywhere, Even When You’re Hurting So Much