We all know how debilitating stress can be when we’re living through a big bad day. And it doesn’t just stop when the day (finally) ends: The corrosive hormones sent coursing through the blood during repeated bouts of aggravation can, over years without anxiety and stress management, raise your risk of heart disease, obesity, and depression. Plus, research shows that stress triggers damage at the cellular level. In other words, those anxiety-soaked experiences derail not only your day but your body, too. To help you get through these dark days with less wear and tear, we consulted the best-known stress management experts in the United States. Drawing on their own bad experiences, they talked about everything from minor annoyances to life-altering losses, revealing how they coped, what they learned, and the lessons for all of us.
- Get back to the basics
“There’s stress that’s just uncomfortable, and there’s stress that creates anxiety about your future, your well-being, and your stability,” says Barbara De Angelis. “This story begins on 9/11, but it’s not a 9/11 story. It’s about the impact that day had on my career. I had spent two years on a book, What Women Want Men to Know, and a PBS special. They were the most important projects I’d ever undertaken. “On September 11, I was in Nashville, three days into a tour for my book. I wept for days in that hotel—for everybody, for the state of humanity. It was only later that I realized my entire tour had vanished and the TV special would go unnoticed. I knew I’d pay a severe price for these projects that had gone down.” Her stress, she says, grew from fear of the unknown, not knowing what to do, and tremendous isolation. She finally got a flight home to Santa Barbara, CA, six days later, but her boyfriend, who was coming to live near her during a year’s sabbatical from his teaching job in Rochester, NY, had no car and couldn’t get a flight. In that moment, she decided to drive across the country and pick him up. “It wasn’t logical. I was exhausted, and I have night blindness.” But she knew she had to do it. “I drove 15 hours a day, because the only thing that mattered was being with the person I love. “I didn’t even listen to the radio; it was like meditation. I thought about what I was grateful for, what really mattered.” After De Angelis picked up her boyfriend, they began driving back. “On the way, we stopped at the Grand Canyon, which I’d never seen. As we stood there, the canyon gave off this sense of timelessness; it has endured so much—world wars, other disasters on the planet. There it was, silent, the wind moving through the trees, the animals, the rocks stubbornly in place. Unchanging. It was like a shrine. It was the best thing I could have done for myself, but I never would have chosen it consciously or logically.” The drive gave her more than she could have imagined. “It was a recommitment to love—not to my career, not to money, not to notoriety. In the most stressful time, what was my core value? It was love.” The experience led her to the subject for her new book, and the heart of her advice: Don’t expect to dodge calamity. “We baby boomers were taught that if we did everything perfectly, we would get what we wanted. Our grandparents and parents were much better equipped for stress because they lived through wars and the Depression. We expect that if we do A, B, and C, we will get what we want, and we’re shocked when we don’t.” When the unexpected hits, get back to basics. “You have to remember what really counts in your life. For me it was love, and I drove cross-country for it.” Barbara De Angelis, PhD, is a writer and motivational speaker whose books on relationships, personal growth, and finding meaning in life have sold more than 8 million copies. Her most recent title is How Did I Get Here? Finding Your Way to Renewed Hope and Happiness When Life and Love Take Unexpected Turns. More from Prevention: How Self-Compassion Can Heal You
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