“Everybody can flirt, it’s just about exercising that muscle,” says Rachel DeAlto, flirting and communications expert and founder of the website FlipMe. “It’s all about opening yourself up to something new. And when it comes to flirting, practice makes perfect.” If the idea of even practicing flirting just freaked you out, not to worry—here are DeAlto’s best tips to help you overcome any flirting hesitations you may have: Hang-up: Picking up someone at a bar is so not my style. Help: If that’s not your cup of tea, an online dating site may be a better fit. Meeting people on dating sites may have seemed awkward in the ’90s, but there’s no longer such a stigma attached. “Online dating is one of the greatest tools, especially for people over 40, even if you just use it as a tool to get back out there slowly,” DeAlto says. She also recommends the non-dating-oriented Meetup.com, where you can join groups and learn about in-person gatherings based on your interests. And when you are out mingling, take a page from men and bring along a wingman—er, wingwoman—to encourage you. “They should be your single, fun, and flirty friend,” says DeAlto. “Everyone has them, regardless of how old you are.”
Hang-up: I see people I’m interested in, but have no idea how to approach them. Help: “If you see someone you’re attracted to, smile, make eye contact and hold for three seconds,” says DeAlto. “It seems like an eternity while you’re doing it, but it works. Eventually they’ll come over to you or you can go over to them and start a conversation.” Once that happens, pay attention to yourbody language. “Especially if you’re out of practice, you might be a little cautious or closed off, and that tends to show,” says DeAlto. Be sure not to have your arms crossed in front of you, and face the person you’re talking to with your shoulders squared towards them, she says. Finally, don’t be afraid of contact. “Use a little bit of touch to reinforce a flirty comment,” says DeAlto. “If they say something funny and you’re laughing, touch them on the shoulder or hand. Just don’t do it too much, or it gets weird.” Hang-up: What would I even talk about? Help: The number-one rule of flirty conversation is to keep itpositive. “Stay out of ‘I hate my ex-husband’ territory,” says DeAlto. “You want to show that you’re fun and enjoying your life.” Three go-to topics to ask him about: favorite restaurants, concerts and events he’s been to, and recent trips or vacations. Hang-up: What if I mess up and say something awkward? Help: You probably will, but that’s okay. “Everyone makes missteps, but I don’t think any conversation is killed because someone says the wrong thing or laughs too loud,” says DeAlto. If you realize you’ve come on too strong with a touch or a comment, pull back for the next 20 minutes or so and take the conversation into a more generalized area, she advises. “When in doubt, the weather is the most platonic thing in the world.”
Hang-up: What if—after all that—I get rejected? Help: “The best way to handle rejection is to reframe the way you think about it,” DeAlto says. “It’s not that you aren’t good enough; you’re essentially shopping, and not everything you try on is going to fit, as much as you want it to.” When it happens, just smile, recognize that not everyone is going to be compatible with you—then move on happily to the next prospect.
