The Death Cafe is a rapidly rising movement that started in September 2011 in the UK and there are now approximately 380 Death Cafes worldwide. As they state on their website, “at Death Cafes people drink tea, eat cake and discuss death. Our aim is to increase awareness of death to help people make the most of their (finite) lives.” The discussion was illuminating and not the least bit dark, but instead, highly intelligent, warm and incredibly wise. I’m reminded that our society celebrates births, weddings, graduations and so many rights of passage, but generally celebrating the ending of a life well lived is still taboo. Most importantly, what the Death Cafe does is open up a dialogue about what one wants. How does one want to die? Is everything laid out? Yes, we don’t have to go hang out with strangers to have “the conversation” - but I found it to be refreshing and stimulating - and a good practice to have the conversation there first before bringing it up to those closest to me. There were about 70 people separated into groups of 7 or so at each table. In the beginning Laurie Schwatz and Barbara Sarah of Circle of Friends for the Dying spoke and shared their experiences and vast knowledge. At each table there was a moderator directing us when we went into the coffee chat part of the morning. Suzanne O’Brien of Positive Passings was the moderator at my table and the conversation was wildly informative. I attended in order to nudge me to get my health care proxy in motion and to take a look at my will and paperwork more closely. To make sure my list of contacts is current in case somethings happens to me and people need to be notified. I have a list describing what I want from the music I want at my memorial service to where my photos are stored for a slide show. God forbid I don’t get to micro-manage my own service! There was talk of The Five Wishes. Many people use this simple approach for plans for care at the end of life. It meets the legal requirements in 42 states and is useful in all 50 states. It was introduced back in 1997 from a grant by The Robert Wood Johnson Foundation. Five Wishes Online was introduced in 2011, allowing people to complete it on screen and print out a personalized document immediately. Basically they are making something complicated, easy. Still, it’s worthwhile to find a Death Cafe, to team up with tea and walk away lighter, wiser and feeling surprisingly alive.
