What gives? Many people think that loving themselves is actually being selfish—and that couldn’t be further from the truth, says Susan Blackburn, a therapist in Ontario, Canada. Selfishness is being concerned about your own interests without having regard for others, while self-love is about taking good care of yourself emotionally, spiritually, and physically, she says. If you’re still worried that self-love equals selfishness, think of it like this: Showing yourself a little TLC has big payoffs for the people around you, too. “People who engage in self-love as a way of life are vibrant and positive—celebrating yourself is what makes you a joy to be around,” says Blackburn. Here are four times when you need to show yourself some serious love: During a job interview. It’s easy to wallow in negative thoughts before an interview, but if you’re particularly hard on yourself, other people won’t believe in you either. In fact, the secret to landing your dream job may not hinge on how much your interviewers like you, but in how much you like yourself, according to a new study in the Journal of Applied Social Psychology. Researchers found that people who were comfortable speaking about their own attributes performed the best in an interview setting. On an anniversary. “Significant dates on the calendar, especially anniversaries of the loss of a friend or family member, can summon a renewed sadness every year,” says Will Baum, a Los Angeles-based therapist. It doesn’t matter how many years ago your mom died—don’t get frustrated with yourself that you haven’t moved on, he says. It’s important to acknowledge the feelings that these milestones evoke, and then do something you enjoy to help you cope. (Try these tips on how to bounce back from a breakup.) When your bank account hits rock bottom. It may seem counterintuitive, but the best time to celebrate yourself is when you feel like you’ve made a big mistake—whether it’s with your finances or in a relationship, says Lewis James Jordan, PhD, a therapist in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. “This is not the time to kick yourself down and feel like you’re not good enough,” says Dr. Jordan. Doing so will have negative consequences for your physical and mental health. Instead, talk to yourself the way you’d talk to a loved one in the same situation. “This is the way you deserve to be talked to and the way that you deserve to talk to yourself,” says Dr. Jordan. When you’re frustrated by your lack of patience. Did you just snap at your spouse about nothing, or blow up at your sister over something petty? Indulge in some “me time", stat. It’s important to take care of yourself when you’re getting frustrated with friends and family because giving yourself the royal treatment is the only way you’ll be able to make others happy, too, says Dr. Blackburn. “Self-love generates positive emotions, and subsequently feeling good leads to making good choices, such as treating others with kindness and respect,” she says.
